Thursday, September 26, 2013

Ich muß schon gestehen, das habt ihr gut gemacht

I didn't want to go to see the fire. They told me about it two or three times already, but I still didn't want to go there. It wasn't interesting to me to see the burning house; all of my interest was related to the question if smoke would reach my open window. However, it only mattered to me for a minute.

I have completely forgotten about that fire, in fact. But then I suddenly got up, told friend to put on a coat and made it for where I expected to see that burning house. I had to see that fire. I kept telling myself that this way I will no longer hear invitations to see it, but, in fact, I didn't go there because of that. I have no idea why.

We found the place by the crowd of onlookers. I don't remember what I've been thinking; I just stood in the distance and watched that house burn. No one panicked. The house was abandoned and only homeless sometimes spent time there. The firefighters had already arrived. The house had bad reputation, there were regular fires. And people stood there and watched the fire. And I stood there too; I have no idea what I was thinking at that time, I only know that large embers made me look at them and think about something. I remember that it wasn't me; I can't describe that person who watched the fire burn from my eyes and thought something. That person seemingly found that big fire charming. That person probably felt the heat from it too. And then it all ended. Not did the fire end, but it ceased to interest me.

"Let's go."
I said this and turned back. I already didn't know what did I find in this fire, I thought we should return home, I couldn't get why did I go there at all. Had to pass through the crowd of onlookers with their children again. I started from the question of one of the children, started and grinned, but grinned much later, when I had already long quickened my steps and was far away. He asked me:

"You set this fire?"

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